Note: This is an excerpt from Kang Si Shin’s (a Korean writer) book, ‘I’m just a little slower’, which mentions what she thinks of her senior friend’s infatuation with Yuchun.
We all yearn to become something
‘You’ve received a music gift! Please check your gift box.’ My senior who is at her mid-30s has been infatuated with an idol-turned-actor. When we met, all we talk was about that kid and when it was 9:30, she left for the purpose of watching his drama live on TV. She also sent me a music gift a few days later. ‘It is the OST sung by our Yuchun. Please hear it out. My account can only be counted as one. We have to make his OST ranking higher.’ Thus, the gesture of sending music gifts to friends anywhere.
‘Only if I don’t need to work, it would be so nice to just ‘lick’ our Yuchun on the ‘screen’ all day long (lick screen means watching pop star’s videos and other related news, or information). I’m still a rookie fan and there just so many videos that I haven’t watched before. I couldn’t remember what I did after work when I was still a ‘muggle’.’
Rookie fan? Muggle? Lick the Screen? Lick what?
I was once a broadcast writer. I should be more familiar with internet jargons and teen language than my peers but how come I couldn’t even understand half of what my senior was saying.
Her heart was flooded with her love to him and now, she was preaching that love to us. She sat in front of the computer even at our house and tried to play his videos for us. We watched his performance in a variety show when he just debuted.
‘I’ve watched this several years ago but I didn’t even know who this kid was. Dong Bang Shinki? Micky what? At that time, I was even complaining that the name was too difficult to understand.’
She murmured while she was watching the videos, as if she was talking through her love story with a boyfriend. The sister who revealed her love for him ended the visit with him.
‘I thus realized how great a poet Kim Chun Chu was. Before I called his name, he was just only a form.’
I can’t help recalling that poem. Before her infatuation with him, she was not at all interested in his TV shows but now she dug them out to watch. The scene reminded me of that poem.’ When I call his name, he walks towards me and turns into a flower!’
I can identify with her love, with her feelings, no doubt. Her earnest heart turns into a flower and translates that love to me.
That poem, a well-known poem that appears in textbooks, the poem that I was not interested in, was read again at my present age. ‘Ah, there are reasons why this poem is so well-known.’ That poem became a flower that passed on the love, and that was what moved me.
‘You’ve received a music gift! Please check your gift box.’
‘Even me! You have to have enough money to be a fan!’ My senior replied, ‘Of course! We fans have to have some money to go to the concerts and buy fan goods. That’s why I have been extra hard working at work recently! Kekekeke’. ‘Oh, becoming fans has brought such positive effect?’ Seeing my reaction, the sister said, ‘Of course! In order to be a fan Yuchun will not be ashamed of, I will have to be more eager towards life!’
I once again identified with her love. Among all the celebrities on TV, the bond created when ‘that person’’s name, only him, went deep into her heart. I now understood the love that drove her to live life a little harder for the sake of that bond.
Isn’t that so? Love, good relationships, things that make me want to be a better person. I want to be a greater person, a better person. Perhaps some day in the future, my name will also be a name embedded with good feelings for that relationship.
‘I hope I will be a noona Yuchun will never feel ashamed of.’ I hope I will be the me ‘my good relationship’ will not feel ashamed of.
We all yearn
To become something
You to me, Me to you
A meaning that will never be forgotten
As with the ending of that poem, we are all like this. We want to be an unforgettable name for the people we like, good relationships. We want to be remembered as something meaningful. Thus, we want to live a better life.